Need

Ive never felt bl mathala like today. I feel like my life is about to turn around because of today.

So i got my passport back and i needed to cross the borders to renew my work permit! The closest would be buffalo so i thought id go there for a day n do some shopping n come back or just cross out n in! Its 1.5hr drive by car and 2.5hr drive by bus and i get car sick in buses so i talked to a couple of friends who own cars if theyd take me.. N it didnt work out, alot had plans then i talked to the ones who dont own cars if they wanted to tag along n they also said no THEN i re-contacted some again and told them that i " need " them to come along and id appreciate their company and i got a NO again.
I ended up spending my morning in bed crying, yes i am a crybaby and yes i have difficulties taking no as an answer, yes that made me more home sick and wished my family around but what hit me the most is the mathala..
The word " need " is big to me.. If some one said that they NEED something, it means its serious. I never use it unless i REALLY MEAN IT.. N the fact that ive said it to a couple of ppl yet they refused to help, hurted me alot! N ive felt so bad that i " needed " somethinh from them. I was angry, sad, disappointed, ashamed and lonely!!!
N ive decided to get my full driving license n drive myself to wherever i want! Im not asking ppl for favors anymore!
I think ill just hang out with myself n be self sufficient rather than aq6 wayhi 3ala nas or ask them to join me!! That feeling, god! That feeling of mthala and weakness! I dont want to experience that again.

I kinda know now who to turn to n that is nobody!