misplaced

so here i am again, on my 2nd on call .. damn i need to get me one of these keyboards, it makes typing so much fun, better than the mac laptop keyboard.. i kinda like big tabs that make sounds when you press it.. i dont know why but it works as positive reinforcement making me wanna type more and more wahahaha. so yeah what did i wanna say ? yeah my weekend got screwed because of this on call .. since its all saturday and half of sunday but atleast ill be free the next weekend and its 4pm and so far so quiet so im glad. hope it stays like this during the night so i can get some sleep . its been a month since i left kuwait. days did pass by so quick!! i havent settled mentally and psychologically and part of me is freaking out a bit ... i know for sure that i have nothing left for me in kuwait .. true i have family and friends there but .. i dont know how to describe it, its like therez nothing for me there .. nothing that im missing so bad or nothing that makes me wanna go back .. it doesnt even feel painful being far away .. its funny but i dont think ill be feeling any home sickness .. but then, i dont feel as if i belong here too ..toronto is not my city plus ive been too busy to be honest to explore this place .. but part of me knows that this is not my thing and now i feel misplaced .. i got nothing to go back to back home and i dont feel as if i belong here .. and this is making me feel insecure .. but i also believe this is the anxious voice inside of me trying to throw in a panic attack or so .. i mean if u think about it, toronto has almost everything i ever wanted .. ALMOST .. i mean different ppl, different languages , different cuultures , i can do whatever i want with no restriction, i can skydive or hike or bike or whatever i want .. but i dont know why i feel out of place .. maybe i should go out more and make friends .. i met a couple of people but i wouldnt call any as a FRIEND, u know like a friend friend that i can talk to or go out with .. so i met an interesting patient .. she's a holocaust survivor.. she was in auschwitz which is a concentration camp in poland in which hitler used to kill the jews .. ive been there when i was in poland and ive seen alot of documentries about it .. it was so horrofying whatever happened there, i cant believe that ive met a survivor .. she even had her number tattoed in her arm. she was 12 then ..wow .. i dont dare to ask her about it .. poor lady .. i think im gonna take some italian lessons .. i mean there are ALOT of italian people here or maybe keep on doing spanish ?? i dont know but definitely im learning one of these and french will be easy to learn too coz everything is written in french and english here .. but i think i wont enroll in a class yet .. coz my working hours are too long to fit a language course and work out in the same day so i think im gonna focus on working out for 6 months and when i reach my goal, ill go to language classes. speaking of work out, i still havent had the time or the mood or even the strength to work out and ive been eating alot .. home made food but still.. you know, maybe i shouldnt cook as much . to be honest, i wanst cookin to eat, i was cooking to have fun coz i really do enjoy it but i think this is reflecting so badly on my weight and fittness plan .. so currently im cooking all the BAD food to get rid of it and then i;ll start the real thing .. im still looking for a good diet/work out plan so if u have any, ill appreciate it . its 5:15pm, so far so quiet .. maybe i should nap .. in case all the people decide to come at night :S