burpees

so i joined this fa9la fitness support group where they post daily crazy workouts ..
one of the most workout was 100 burpees .. lol i know, i can barely do one .. its 10 burpees of 10 different variations and the host is NUTS !! LOL wallah 7abeeteha.. o 3ashanha, im gonna give it a try lol. aham shay, she is gonna die

http://www.youtube.com/watch?hl=en&gl=CA&client=mv-google&v=QBjSL8zNVjQ&nomobile=1

lol , check on me later on, see if im still alive :P

New itunes

NEW ITUNES IS CRAP!!! DONT UPGRADE YOURS!!!! Ive upgraded mine to itunes 11 and since then, its refusing to recognize my iphone and i cant sync my device anymore whether through a cable or thru wifi!!!! IM SO ANGRY!!!
I spent an HOUR trying to fix it and i couldnt!!!!! Now im late to work and my problem isnt solved!!! GOD IM ANGRY!!!!

sunset workout

finally my ER rotation is over and boy im so excited that i could finally have my routine back. believe ir or not but i did miss 5 AM workout. its such a great way to start your day and i love getting rid of the working out part as early as possible lol, it gives me a peace of mind throughout the day coz i spend atleast 1.5hrs working out so yeah,

yep, ive been abit indecisive when it comes to my choice of workout .. i guess its the impatient part of me wanting to rush the results .. ive changed my routine maybe 5 times within the past 2 months .. i wanted something quick and effective for the wedding .. but i kinda gave up now .. there is no such a total body transformation in such a short period ... so im trying to control my impatience and for once stick to a routine and finish it.. i thought having support will help me through so i decided to use a program where alot of people are doing .. so yeah that was p90x .. but then i freaked out and decided to start with chalean xtreme which i did a couple of times and have NOT found it to be challenging !! ( there is no way that im that strong lol, i bet im doing it right ) and since im so desperate for a change, i decided to include turbo fire too .. yep.. i cant believe it but im giving it another chance .. the reason is, i talked to a girl who told me she burns a minimum of 500 calories in 30min workout of TF !! THATS INSANE !!! I WANT THAT !! i know the choreography is going to be challenging and ill have to take it SLOWER and break the moves to my own pace till i get the routine right but if thats what it takes to burn 500 cal in 30 min then be it !!!

so today was my second day of the hybrid and im getting impatient already lol .. day one was 40min stretching .. SERIOUSLY .. 40MIN !!! .. why stretch when you havent even started :s .. im guilty for not taking it seriously!! i was eager to get my heart pumping and get sweaty like abrar .. i wanna feel my body getting sore .. i wanna scream in pain .. coz thats when the changes happen .. but no, i did 40min of slow sloooow slooow stretches ... i was like may5alif.. first day, lets take her 3ala qad 3aql2a and stretch ... 

so i went to bed yesterday at 1am and got up at 5:30 am, all excited about working out hard and burning calories and stuff ... and today's workout called abs burner and recharge .. abs burner is an abs workout from chalean extreme but gotta confess, it wasnt as painful as abs 10 in turbo fire .. i have expected alot more from chalean EXTREME ... and then i had no idea what recharge is so i was excited and guess what .. ANOTHER DAMN STRETCH .. 20min of sloooooooow stretching !! blaaah *mumbles* .. no no.. im not quitting yet but i think ill be adding my own thing .. i woke up at 5.30 and i was done by 6:15 :S .. i got like 3 more hours to go .. i didnt wake up for this .. so i think im gonna hit the elliptical for some HIIT training and maybe pump some iron if i had the time .. i know im not supposed to screw the routine but hey, if i get time an energy .. why not right ?

workout !

                vs      

because im sick of failing myself. ive been working out really hard and i think ive pushed myself out of comfort zone and i did see results but ive invested alot of time and effort and these results are not good enough !!! im just sick of feeling like crap !! im sick of not being able to fit into the clothes i want .. im sick of not being strong enough to do the things ive always wanted to do !!!

i gotta say, i had some obstacles and they are my knees injuries and my lower back pain chronic strain and these kinda made me not push it 100% when it came to lower body workouts but i just had it !!!

for the past couple of days, I've been thinking of starting p90x and actually STICKING TO IT till the end and today as i was giving it one last google search to see how much damage am i anticipating for my knees, i came across a thread that compared chalean extreme to p90x and it seems like its the girls p90x .. sadly, the results are not as good as p90x but i thought it could be a better option to start extreme intense workout .. chalean is fun and she does an amazing job in turbo abs but i kinda tried other videos and thought it was confusing .. but right now, i need to be firm with myself .. i need to choose one thing and actually STICK TO IT to the end whether it hurted me or injured me lol ...

and what i kinda liked about chalean extreme that its a 5 day work out and its around 30-45min max unlike p90x which is 6 day work out, each session 1-1.5hrs .. so chalean can be my main workout and i can add on it any other workout if i had the time/energy .. i can do tae bo, jogging on elliptical or even yoga/pilates ...

it sounds like a reasonable start and im less intimidated by her .. both are 90 days, i gotta make sure that its something do-able, likeable and manageable in terms of equipment and time or i wont be able to stick to it ...

so i took measurements, weight and before-workout pictures and guess will find out if its a good workout or not by 28/5/2013 and if i wasnt happy with the results, i can move on to p90x and do 3months of that and hopefully by 28/8/2013 ill get to have my bikini body and it will still be summer :P

actually, my aim is not bikini body at all .. my aim is to be lean , light and strong enough to do this:

believe it or not! im working out for this ... shedding this fat is the beginning of my yoga involvement . i want to be light enough to do all these crazy flexible yoga poses and im sure it will be so difficult wuth all that heavy fat dangling around .

i mean, i look at those amazing transformation pictures .. people who are WAAAAAY fatter than me, waaay older .. and probably have a busier life ... if they could that , why cant i ???

look at her .. her old body seems like mine .. disgusting .. and look at her now ... ID NEVER DREAMT THAT I COULD EVER HAVE SIX PACKS !! i thought its impossible !! she looks so freakin hot now !!!

wa3lia !! this one got it worse !!! 274 lbs !!! to this very lean body !!!  should be ashamed of myself wallah

they all started waaay fatter than me and now they look STUNNING !!!!

now she's my favourite ! i got her picture on my fridge .. she has the body that i want .. absolutely perfect .. not too muscular and not too curvy !! i got my eyes on her body and if she could do it .. hell i could !!!!

i hope i wont stop or end up having to stop due to my knee injury !!! i really want this weight loss/fitness journey to end .. it hs been 10 yrs .. ive wasted my life away ...

Need

Ive never felt bl mathala like today. I feel like my life is about to turn around because of today.

So i got my passport back and i needed to cross the borders to renew my work permit! The closest would be buffalo so i thought id go there for a day n do some shopping n come back or just cross out n in! Its 1.5hr drive by car and 2.5hr drive by bus and i get car sick in buses so i talked to a couple of friends who own cars if theyd take me.. N it didnt work out, alot had plans then i talked to the ones who dont own cars if they wanted to tag along n they also said no THEN i re-contacted some again and told them that i " need " them to come along and id appreciate their company and i got a NO again.
I ended up spending my morning in bed crying, yes i am a crybaby and yes i have difficulties taking no as an answer, yes that made me more home sick and wished my family around but what hit me the most is the mathala..
The word " need " is big to me.. If some one said that they NEED something, it means its serious. I never use it unless i REALLY MEAN IT.. N the fact that ive said it to a couple of ppl yet they refused to help, hurted me alot! N ive felt so bad that i " needed " somethinh from them. I was angry, sad, disappointed, ashamed and lonely!!!
N ive decided to get my full driving license n drive myself to wherever i want! Im not asking ppl for favors anymore!
I think ill just hang out with myself n be self sufficient rather than aq6 wayhi 3ala nas or ask them to join me!! That feeling, god! That feeling of mthala and weakness! I dont want to experience that again.

I kinda know now who to turn to n that is nobody!

3rd

Maybe the hardest part is that with my first, i had hope that they will be back so i was not so scared, with my second, i really didnt want them back but with you, im scared the most because i know you wont be back.

to suffer

i went out with friends and we were talking about movies, documentries and some music and then i realized that ive labelled half of them as '' disturbing '' .. and i meant it .. i found them pretty disturbing and made me uncomfortable ..
and ive been thinking about it on my way home .. i was never like that .. yes i can find movies/music, touching, sad , energizing but never disturbing .. and when i say disturbing, i mean my stomach starts to turn, my breathing gets a bit heavier and i just feel upset watching it .. i realized people with PTSD ( post traumatic stress disorder ) feel that way when they are exposed to triggers that remind them of their trauma .. and the only connection i could make between these medias and trauma is their connection to suffering ..
i seem to have traumatized by '' suffering '' .. to suffer, is very dreadful to me right now and i mean all kind of suffering, whether its health wise or stress or even mentally .. im trying to figure out what happened and i guess it all started when i had my first panic attack .. the last time i felt normal, the last time i felt like myself was 19/9/2012 . On 20/9/2012, my whole life changed with my first panic attack .. panic attacks are NOT painful .. true, they might cause stomach upset but thats not '' painful '', i guess my suffering came from my helplessness and the helplessness that percieved from my friends and family. knowing taht no one could help, no one could make that panic go away, knowing that i might end up suffering on m own for the rest of my life has really traumatized me ..
now anything related to suffering .. whether songs, images, movies or even the patients i meet everyday make my stomach turn abit and i start feeling nausous ..
el7amdallah, ive kinda controlled my panic attacks without any medications and ive made peace with them, so why do i continue to have this '' suffering '' phobia ?

i also noticed something .. i feel for others, perhaps too deeply, im getting the sense that im TOO SYMPATHETIC .. a big big mistake.. its the biggest mistake any dr/psychiatrist could ever do .. we are taught to be more empathetic  and less sympathetic :
 ( Empathy is understanding the feelings and point of view of another person.
Sympathy is taking on the feelings of another person and taking pity on them.
Empathy is being a shoulder to cry on when your best friend is having a crisis.
Sympathy is crying with your friend when she has a crisis.
Empathy is strong, you maintain your composure and put yourself in a better position to help.
Sympathy is warmer, you take on some of the burden emotionally and lose your composure.)

its good to know how others feel but its bad to take on some of these feelings and i guess thats where i fell .. the fact that knowing others are suffering makes me sick is because im too sympathetic and that makes us two now suffering . what a person needs to do is to be empathetic and feel the other's pain without takin some on and with that, they get the drive to help them . but how can you change the way you are ?
ive always loved that quality in me, my ability to connect to others but i guess just like my old habits of perfectionism, its time to let it go or atleast control it a bit.
i have signed up for a life long duty to help those who suffer. i'll be exposed to all kind of suffering everyday.. if i dont control this, ill end up as a patient myself :s