moving

I am starting a new blog that Is less personal in a way, I realized this one has a lot of personal/emotional entries that I am not really comfortable sharinv

Digital drugs

http://news.yahoo.com/video/digital-drugs-see-kids-may-072010278.html


a video has gone viral on whatsapp about digital drugs AKA Binaural beats.




from Wikipedia:

Binaural beats, or binaural tones, are auditory processing artifacts, or apparent sounds, caused by specific physical stimuli. This effect was discovered in 1839 by Heinrich Wilhelm Dove and earned greater public awareness in the late 20th century based on claims coming from the alternative medicine community that binaural beats could help induce relaxation, meditation, creativity and other desirable mental states. The effect on the brainwaves depends on the difference in frequencies of each tone: for example, if 300 Hz was played in one ear and 310 in the other, then the binaural beat would have a frequency of 10 Hz.^[1][2]

The brain produces a phenomenon resulting in low-frequency pulsations in the amplitude and sound localization of a perceived sound when two tones at slightly different frequencies are presented separately, one to each of a subject's ears, using stereo headphones. A beating tone will be perceived, as if the two tones mixed naturally, out of the brain. The frequencies of the tones must be below 1,000hertz for the beating to be noticeable.^[3] The difference between the two frequencies must be small (less than or equal to 30 Hz) for the effect to occur; otherwise, the two tones will be heard separately, and no beat will be perceived.

Honestly, I've never heard of this before but it got me curious. I've been reading about music therapy for a while and no one can deny the effect of a good beat on the mood and energy right? I am also familiar with Zen music and its calming effect but to hear about beats that induce hallucination, that's new to me and too bizarre to be honest ! but i gotta be honest with you, although I am skeptical about it but I wouldn't dare to try it lol. that video did freak me out and I live alone and I wouldn't want to expose myself to something like that when no one is around to help in case i got psychotic lol.


so I've actually taken the time to look up Binaural beats in google scholar and guess what? there were a couple of papers written on Binaural beats as a treatment for anxiety.. hmm that's interesting .. there was nothing about it being abused or the fact that it may make you psychotic. hmm now I am even more curious to give it a try!!


* an hour later *


IVE DONE IT !! lol, I called a friend and asked her to call me back every 15 min to make sure that I am okay lol
so I googled some videos on youtube. the first one i listened to was a relaxation one but it had a relaxation music along with the beat so I didn't think it would be that helpful to judge or know which one had the calming effect, the beat or the music so I listened to another one that was titled '' powerful something for opening the third eye '', I listened to about 8 min and I felt nothing so I was a bit skeptical again so I decided to venture a bit and try the DRUGS one,
I listened to the marijuana one : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FcXAvUtR8P4
oh boy, that was wired . I was really anxious about trying it so I started with a very high level of anxiety, i could feel my heart racing and listening to the previous soundtracks didn't make a difference but that one, that one made me very calm and made my body feels heavy in 4 minutes!! honestly, i didn't want to listen to it to the end lol. that soundtrack made me even more curious about other soundtracks so i listened to the ACID and MAGIC MUSHROOM ones lol. magic mushroom made me agitated, i think the sound was too annoying for me and acid had no effect until I turned it off and then i could still hear it in my head even when i closed my ears lol..


you know, listening to these different soundtracks reminded me of something .. ive always loved sleeping in a room with an old AC ! remember the old AC that had a knob and was sticking outside the window? the one that used to drip water all the time and you'd always see a bucket under it because of that? ive always found its noise to be very soothing and now that i am thinking about it, it does sound like white noise and maybe that's why it was that relaxing for me


oh well, no more experimenting for me lol.. actually, that's not true, i think ill give the marijuana track another chance if i ever felt really anxious just to test it again.

Bacck and determined to stay

Been trying to get back to blogging for so long now but my life has been hectic with work and stuff.
anyway, things are slowly changing for me .
well, I cant really say '' things '',  its more like '' me''. I am slowly changing and I cant say that ive completely changed, I am still a work in progress but I am definitely determined to make this new change happen . I am done being tossed around by life and I am trying to find a better way to take back control.
good things are happening already. I am finally motivated to study, finally found a way to read more and I feel calmer and '' wiser '' lol. I know, wiser and me don't get along but other people noticed that as well lol.
ive always loved writing and ive always found it to be helpful and I knew that writing would help a lot in keeping me going forward and keeping that progress so ..
as a way to make sure that I get to write and blog as much as I needed, ive actually bought me a NEW LAPTOP lol .
its not a big deal, although my MacBook is dying on me and probably, I should've bought me a new one, but I decided to buy me a small light laptop that I can carry with me wherever I go and blog as I go if that makes any sense .. I am away from home from 9 am to 9 pm and I cant carry my laptop with me because its too heavy so by the time I am home, I am usually too tired and uninspired to write my thoughts down so hopefully, now that I have an access to a laptop all day long, ill be aable to write more.


plus, I used to have some one to bounce my thoughts on but now that they are gone, i could use something to bounce my thoughts on.

goodbyes

The last night in my bed,
my last lunch with my family,
how i get to decide the family's dinner on the last night,
my last goodbyes to family and friends.
ive probably done that about 5 times in the past 2 years and its still painful like hell. it has not got any easier .. im starting to doubt that it will ever get easier ..
home sickness while away n home sickness while here .. and the worst during my travel back.

once again, Goodbye
and until we meet again, be well

so much in so little time

I left to Canada on April 2012.
During my first year abroad, I lost an aunt to pancreatic cancer. She passed away 6 months after being diagnosed with cancer. She didnt have alot of time and I was not home early enough to say Goodbye..

During my second year abroad, a friend of mine was found dead.. she was found outside an old building, all alone .. she was 2 months away from graduation and finally returning back home after 4 years of studying abroad.. She waited too long to come back home .. Her family didnt get to attend her graduation and finally brag about her being a doctor and she never made it to her welcome home party .. She died too soon..
a special person of mine made a dramatic decision and she chose a different life path and now i am teaching my self how to live without them. they basically dont exist anymore.
also, my grandmother had 2 strokes in a row and now she is withering slowly ..

Today, I found out that my mum's best friend who;s like a mother to us has been diagnosed with cancer. I don't know the details yet but I can't deny that this has hit me hard ..

its so sad that you never appreciate what you have until you lose it .. suddenly i feel like i want to spend every single day with her .. its so sad that i found out 48 hrs before my flight back to Canada. 

it has been 2 years since i left yet so many things have happened already .. too many losses in too little time.

it makes you wonder ..
is there anything you can do to stop death from happening ? or make it less painful ?
ive been living with expectations of death everyday hoping it would make it less painful when it finally happens .. but i was wrong .. its still shocking .. and its still too damn painful.. and it doesnt make it any easier ..

We should cherish those little things.. our random interaction .. the chance to say hello to our loved ones . because we can suddenly lose that and we will be left with nothing but regrets for taking it for granted ..

when these things happen, then you realize what truly matters and what doesnt .. and then you'll see how you wasted your life away chasing meaningless in life while keeping those who meant the most to us on hold only to find out that they were gone long time ago while we were chasing what turned out to be trivial at the end.

This could be our last conversation .. My last post and My Final Goodbye.

My own cultural shock

Its amazing how two years away from kuwait can do so much like making me have a cultural shock around my own people

I didnt have to land in kuwait to feel that shock, i felt it while waiting for the plane in Istanbul!!

I noticed myself looking at Kuwaitis like an outsider! Everything about them stood out and suddenly it was not the norm anymore.. 

Dont get me wrong, i dont mean it in a bad way at all. Im just starting to see things differently i guess.

I never realized how much make up people put on until today. Omg omg! Its the usual , you know foundation, blusher, shadow, lipsticks!! But u know it seemed too much now.. definitely not natural anymore lol!! I noticed how shocked i was looking at the girls. They do look as if they were going to a party indeed :/

Full make up and fully dresses up for the flight! Made me wonder if looking good mattered more than being comfortable ? Definitely ive taken the latest approach in canada! 

Ive always been told that arabs were loud! OMG WE ARE!!! We are just TOO loud!! If you are in a cafe in north america, ull notice how quiet people are even when they talk and if theres a khaliji in the house, trust me, you will know!! And you will also know the whole conversation!!!! 

Ha ha its funny because ive always been told that im loud and it scares me to know that i could be THAT loud!! 

I dont know if its the sense of entitlement or if its disrespect but there is no respect to ques or lines! They dont even do it slowly as in slowly squeezing themselves in the que, they just walk infront of you!!! ASHKARA!!! Which is really annoying coz in north america even elderly  or people with disability wait for their turn! Maybe i should actually stop and ask some one who cuts in, im curious to know what their response will be!!

They called for boarding per groups but everyone just rushed in regardless of their group! Wow..

It didnt end there. There were CHOAS on board! The plane was delayed almost 45min because of the choas that was made by some families where they took over other people seats and actually REFUSED to move!!! They were asked to go to their seats but refused! Plus ppl got alot of gifts but and filled the overhead bins to the fact that ppl had no place for their bags and were pissed off!! And they had to put em under the seats of other passengers!!! Other ppl decided that it wont be a full flight thus sat in other ppls places and then had to be asked to move when the designated passenger arrived such in my case where a guy was in my place n then asked to move. Its crazy i swear!

You know whats sad? Its not the first time that i see such CHOAS! In almost every flight back home, ive witnessed something similar and even when i went on vacations! Flights leaving KUwait where most passengers were kuwaiti had similar stuff happening on them!

The stares, the gossips, the whole kuwaiti package!! Omg

Im surprised that im actually shocked!! Its amazing how much you can change in 2yrs.. 

Muslims and Mosques

i dont know if ive written about this before, if i did, ill do it again to show you how much this thing bugs me !!!

why wont people respect mosques ?

Maybe i am becoming a bit sensitive after living in canada. Being away from mosques and athan makes you really appreciate it !! you have no idea how badly i miss hearing the athan.. omg that little thing that we had 5 days a week that we take from granted. I swear to god, it hits you hard when you are not in an islamic country !! and then everytime i step into a real mosque ( not a meditation/prayer room), you get this peaceful feeling upon you ..

anyway, i am in Istanbul airport waiting for my flight to go back home and i went to the mosque to pray and then i saw the usual mosque scene .. people using it as a sleeping room or people sitting there talking outloud, kids playing around and mobiles ringing everywhere .. it makes it so hard for you to pray eb 5sho3 or even concentrate while you pray and what hit me is realizing that ive only seen this in muslims prayers rooms !! ive been to churches, synagogues and temples .. ive never seen such a shameful behaviour ! People are praying quietly, respectful to their religion and to others! Ive never seen people sleeping there or kids running around ! Ive never heard a mobile rings there so why do these things happen in mosques only ?

Whats surprising is that people pray 5 times a day and you'd assume muslims are a bit religious and do take their religion seriously.. i bet they fear or love god and thats why they pray 5 times .. well .. if thats the case then why are you disrespecting the mosque ? Why do you turn this holy place where you get to talk and connect with god to a dowania or a sleeping place? If you know that 5osho3 is part of the prayer, why dont you respect others when they pray ?

I was so angry today !! SO SO angry !! but again, its not only in turkey, ive seen this in every mosque .. even in Mecca !! its sad .. its very sad ..

Canadian winter : NWT, yellowknife. Last night..

Just like i predicted.. Auroras were not visible tonight! That concludes my trip and adventure up north! I dont want to be negative but this place is known for its high chance of seeing auroras! Theres 95% chance of seeing it! Guess our luck/7oba/3ain made us fall in the 5% of bad luck. Sigh...

Al7amdallah 3ala kol 7al! Maybe im meant to see it some other time! Maybe im meant to see it with some one special! 

Maybe..

One day, We shall meet ..

positive shift

Positive shift !

Never underestimate mindfulness. Its amazing and mind blowing when you are able to catch yourself dwelling in negativity and then be able to switch it to a more positive attitude by being mindful. Its an exhilarating feeling as if now you are dealing with a completely new situation.

Ive traveled all the way to Yellowknife to see the auroras. I couldn't used this vacation to do other things that are guaranteed to make me have fun but i chose to gamble and pay all this money to come here hoping that id see the real beauty of northern lights ..

ive spent 3 nights here with no luck and tonight is my last night and it doesn't look promising at all. The weather is bit, its snowing and pretty cloudy add to that that the auroras are not so active tonight so ive made peace with the fact that i may return to Toronto without seeing it ..

i was feeling really sad this morning, cursing my luck and just i was really feeling down.

But i kinda managed to take a step back and revisit the whole trip and i realized that :

although i havent seen the auroras but :

1. ive spent my long weekend outside Toronto which is always a good thing.
   2. i made so many friends from different countries in yellow knife
   3. ive been to a new province and a new city that most Canadians havent even visited
2. now i know how the true Canadian winter feels. Ive felt how -40 feels like .
   4. i know the pain of having a frostbite
   5. i was introduced to MAPLE BUTTER !! omg !!! these Canadians add maple syrup to everything and boy oh boy maple butter is something else ! I could eat it with a spoon lol its such a treat
   6. ive tried real winter things: dog sledding, ice fishing
   7. IVE BEEN IN A REAL IGLOO !! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT !! A REAL IGLOO !!!! checks it out of my bucket list
   8. ive been to a new airport ( calgary )
   9. i learnt how to gear up for winter ( the hard way lol )
   
   it is true that i havent fulfilled the whole purpose of this trip and it is true that ive spent alot of money on that and i guess its easy to feel disappointed and to consider the whole thing as a failure but there is always a positive side to everything. there’s always a gain when there’s a loss. Theres always something good happening despite the chaos around us.
   Yes i havent seen the auroras, yes im financially compromised, yes my trip partner is a disaster , yes i was not able to give myself the auroras as a valentine gift but ive done something now, ive challenged myself and made a progress. And by typing this, i guess im getting more flexible mentally and hopefully with more positive attitude.
   I guess the positive side of not seeing the auroras this time is that now i have an excuse to go to Iceland or Norway for another auroras hunt :P

We come to life with our expectations and our own agendas but no one can tame life and no one can control the outcomes of our decisions. And this can easily feel like a failure and you can easily be disappointed when things dont go your way but remember, YOUR way is NOT the only way and it doesnt matter where you end up in as long as you made it somewhere .

Being positive feels differently and definitely doesnt feel like myself but the truth is, it feels GOOD !! exactly my point, if its not my way ( myself ), it doesnt mean that its bad.

Let go and let life steer you around and you’ll be surprised about how exciting it is.

Canadian winter adventure: NWT, aurora hunt: 3rd night

When the bus picked us up! We could see some auroras on the aurora liveview so we were racing against time to reach to the camp before they are gone since their timing and length are very unpredictable. 

Another extended stay, another 6hrs in the cold weather but no luck! Ppl actually managed to take photos of a very faint line but then it turned out that it was the auroras through their camera but nothing impressive with your naked eyes *pouts*

I got one more night... Ya rab... Ill really be heart broken if i dont see the auroras tomorrow! I paid 2000 dollars for this and i want my moneys worth :(

Canadian winter adventure: NW territories: day 3

We decided to try ice fishing today we booked a 120-dollar-3hrs-ice fishing trip. They picked us up around 10 am, we were at the lake by 1020. They broke the ice, threw the net inside and pulled it out in 10min. Ppl were taking photos of the fish and we were back in the bus by 1040!!!!!!!

This is NOT ice fishing and i didnt pay 120 dollars to take photos with fish!!!! *mumbles* this is a rip off and humiliation to fishing!!!!

The frozen lake #nofilter

Then the second part was to eat our own fish according to the advertisement. The net only caught 3 fish and the bus had more than 20ppl so definitely thats not going to feed us all unless they are planning to make sushi with it!! Which will work perfect since me n my friend were the only non asian on the bus lol. But seriously fish at 11am!!!!

Next on the list was DOG SLEDDING!! I guess igloo building and dog sledding was the most north-polish activities anyone can do!! It started fun but then i started to feel sorry for the dogs! 3 dogs pulling 2 big girls!!! I felt really guilty :( 

It was extremely cold though! After 15min, i was not able to feel my face, fingers or toes though i was wearing double socks n a really fat mitt!!!! So at the end of the ride, i was guilty and cold lol!! I was really cold that i freaked out about having frostbite!!! It was painfully numb!!!!

Seriously!!! This kind of cold is pretty dangerous!!!! 

Kittens overload!!!

Our two domestic cats ran out of the house once and came back. Months later, we discover that both pregnant!!!

My mom hates them and when she knew that both are about to to give birth for more cats, she went nuts!! Lol demanding to kick them out of the house!!!

So my dad was trying to get rid of them

Lol anyway, he is serious about getting rid of them and has made an agreement to hand the two pregnant cats to my aunt in a couple of days.

However,

The first one gave birth to 6 beautiful kittens yesterday and that made my dad even more mad lol

And

The other one gave birth this morning!! I think my dad will have a stroke now lol!! 

So we got a total of 11 newly born kittens lol! I have no idea how the hell we are going to hide thess from mum anddad but lol the situation is HILARIOUS!!! Anyone looking to adopt kittens?? We got plenty lol 

My sister is thinking about taking the. To paws but im not sure that they will accept 11 newly born kittens lol !! Thats just insane

Sorry i had to post that coz i thought her " 5al traye7 " comment was halorious lol

Day two of NW territories adventure

Day two was okay. Not as productive as i hoped. We returned to our hotel from aurora viewing at 1.30 and were in bed by 2. It was hard for us to get up early in the morning! We were up by 11:30 and out of the hotel by 1:30 ! It was too late to book any activity for the day so we decided to explore the town!

We walked around the tiny city of yellow knife! Saw princes of wales museum of aboriginal culture. I was impressed by the museum to be honest! It was too good for a lil town! It was rich with cultural and wild life things!!! So much to touch!!! So much to try!!!

This is the closest i got to petting a polar bear ha ha!!

We also found *drumsroll* IGLOOOOS!!!!!! Built beside the museum!! Omg omg omg omg omg!!! I ran like a mad woman towards em!!  Do u know how badly i wanted to see a real igloo???? Omg its so cozy and warm inside!!! Too warm for -30 C out there!!!!!!

After that, we headed to pilot monument where you get to see the whole of yellow knife city and then walked to the ice castle!! A whole castle made of ice!!! Its soo huge!! Too bad that it was not done yet

We had lunch at a local restuarant! Had very interesting walls!!! It had stuff written by visitors n it was ALL OVER THE PLACE!! Literally!!!

I decided to order something aboriginal so i went for the buffalos steak! Was too chewy and didnt really like the taste of it

Our second auroras hunt was also a failure! Although we extended our stay at the aurora village for 6hrs, there was no sign of it! According to the official website for aurora watch, there was a strong activity but no one saw it *sobs*

We got 2 more nights left and tomorrows weather doesnt look promising :( *pouts*

Can you see the ice cubes in that water bottle? They formed inside my bottle while the bottle was inside my bag while waiting for the auroras!!! This is how cold this place is!!!!!!

Canadian adventure: winter : yellow knife - northwest territories .

The Northwest Territories (NW It had a population of 41,462 as of the 2011 census, 

The Northwest Territories reaches for over 1,300,000 km² (500,000 sq mi) so there is a large climate variant from south to north. The southern part of the territory (most of the mainland portion) has a subarctic climate while the islands and northern coast

The NWT is one of two jurisdictions in Canada – Nunavut being the other – where Aboriginal peoples are in the majority, constituting 50.3% of the population.^[18]

 Whats striking that is they get 20hrs of daylight in the summer. Imagine fasting ramadan there :/

---------------------------

This trip is one of the most spontanous mad adventures ive ever made for so many reasons;

1. Though ive always wanted to see the Northern lights, but i never imagined me seeing it anytime soon. Hell when february started, i never knew that id be going to yellow knife to see it.

2. Ive grown up in a very hot country where the average temp os +40. Torontos winter which is considered mild ( average -15 ) has given me hard time already but look at me heading towards one of the coldest spots in canada with temp of -40 at such time of the year!

3. Yellowknife is too cold for outdoors and actually the city is pretty small ; ( has few flights and only 5 hotels in the whole city ) yet all this money and time are spent chasing the northern lights!

Its crazy i know but ive made peace with the mad side of me long time ago lol. The only times that i question my sanity is when i say no to crazy adventures. 

Yes im allergic to cold weather and canadian winter but no pain, no gain! 

Hopefully, ill come back home without losing any part of my body to frostbite!

Day one.

I flew air canada from Toronto to yellowknife.

My flight was Toronto to Calgary then to yellow knife ( almost 9hrs in total )

Our transit was in Calgary airport.

Such a tiny airport like really tiny with a limited dinning options! Im glad that our transit was only for 2hrs or id have gone crazy. I noticed a big population of indian immigrants there which was obvious. 

We arrived at yellowknife airport!! The airport was smaller than a can of tuna!! It had only one bag belt and thats it! Lol n there is no bridge between the plane and the airport, youll walk for 2-3min! I didnt expect that so i packed my jacket in tne big bag and had to run to the airport lol since it was -32 and i only had a hoodie on lol

We took the shuttle bus to our hotel and god, our hotel and plane was packed with asian!!! Something is totally wrong in here!!!!

The city is so small. It has only ONE TIM HORTON!! Can you believe that!!- canadian city with only onetimhorton and its not even in downtown! Its located in the upper town lol 

One thing that caught my attention was how friendly people are here! One lady offered us a ride to the tourist Centre and people smile and wave at u! Its a very cold city yet it has a special warmth in it!

Speaking of cold, did you know that there is 24/7 daylight in yellowknife during summer??? YES THE SUN NEVER SETS!!! How confusing is that lol!!! The great side to it that you can hike and do outdoors as long as you could without worrying about dark!!

So we were tired so we only went to the aurora village to see the northern lights ! The place was also packed with Japanese tourists!!!

It turned out that According to Japanese myths, having sex under the Northern Lights supposedly gives baby boys, beautiful children or happy children. So they actually rent tends and try to conceive there!!! Wa5ziaaah lol

We were there by 9.30 and stayed till 1am with no sign of the aurora :( !! The sky too hazy though the aurora watch indicated strong activities :( i hope we have a better luck tomorrow!!

The weather was freeZing!!!! Although i was wearing 3 layers, i couldnt stay outside the tent for more than 5min and i couldnt feel my toes at all!!! God!! Torontos weather is nothing comparing to this!!!

Ohh we were served a bun with butter mixed with maple syrup!! It was phenomenal !!!! Maple syrup makes everything super tasty!!!!

Lets hope tomorrow will bring better luck and AURORAS!!!

relocating

ive always hated bloggers.. i feel exposed whenever i post things here .. never felt secure and never felt at ease when i spoke about personal stuff ...
i think im going back home and leaving bloggers .. ill be posting events and stuff that i dont mind shaing with the world but definitely nothing personal anymore ..

this place stinks

black or white thinking

once upon a time , i was a perfectionist .. well i still am but im getting better everyday ..
i guess what im still struggling with the most is the black or white thinking, all or nothing and it can drive me nuts sometimes ...
for example, ive started a new training program, ive started it 2 weeks ago but i keep restarting it everyday i screw the diet or miss the workout and now its really getting out of control .. although ive done lke 75% of it but the fact that i screwed up some days made me thing that it was not good enough and i restarted the whole thing .. but thats not the issue, what i noticed is that most of my week became cheat days .. every time i screw a meal or miss a workout, automatically, the day turns to a cheat day and i end up feeding myself to sickness .. not only that, but i even noticed that my cheat days are crazy, i end up eating like a 3 different sandwiches , 2 dfferent salads and 3 different fruits for a meal and ive always felt out of control and couldnt stop myself although i knew that this was too much .. and today i came to realize why this has been happening ..
going on a strict diet where there is no variety in food, no flexibility at all made me go crazy everytime i have an off day .. there's just too much that ive been craving and wanting but couldnt have during the week and im not talking about desserts and crappy food .. im talking about bananas .. apples .. cereal .. or even a cheese sandwich so whenever i have my day off, i try to cram it all in to satisfy my craving but i end up feeling all sick and i dont get to enjoy my cravings ..
i think its time to let go of all these strict rules and diets .. ill still stick to the big frame of 5 meals with major focus on proteins but if i ever crave an apple, ill allow myself to have one .. and if i ever craved something unhealthy, ill create a healthier version and eat it .. i am starting to an aversive reaction towards food and im starting to connect food to pain now and this is really unhealthy

post military training soreness

IS INSANE !!!!
i woke up this morning and i couldn't even get up .. my whole body was extremely sore!! couldn't bend my knees, couldn't sit on the toilet, couldn't lift my arms up to take off my tshirt and worst of all, not being able to cough because my stomach hurted like hell!! I've never had such soreness like this before !!! i was as stiff as a brick because every move was painful !!!
what complicated it is that i couldn't even use the foam roller coz the slightest contact is too damn painful and i couldn't use my arms to lift my body because they were sore too ..

although i was determined to do this everyday but obviously, if i go today, thats basically me on the floor all day long with the trainer yelling at me ! i really think my body will fail me today so I'm skipping military training today but ill still do my regular bootcamp with romeo! at least he doesn't yell when i tell him that I'm in pain :P

but that means i should go to fit factory tomorrow then and god I'm already dreading it again .. :s

military bootcamp

http://fitfactoryfitness.com


See, i am not fit or athletic, i am actually a little bit overweight who has only done home based dvd workouts as exercise but there is this addiction that i got which is challenging myself. i tend to screw myself physically and mentally for the sake of challenge . i am addicted to adrenaline and accomplishments.
as a result of that, I've always been interested in military kind of training. unfortunetly, you can't apply for the army in kuwait only to do their workout if you know what i mean. I've got to know fit factory fitness by passing it by while i was on my way to work and hearing some one shouting in there .. it did sound like a military kind of commands!! so i looked it up online and I've learnt that this is a military based bootcamp that is done by an actual former US marine !! i decided to check it out so i went to see a class and by the end of it, i decided that i was not ready for it and this was last year . the class was so intense, the guy was shouting his lungs out and he didn't care if you are in pain or not like if you couldn't hold a plank and you fell on your knees, he will grab you by the shirt and lift you up and ask you to keep it !!  i was overwhelmed and intimidated. i decided to go and workout more on my own until i was ready for this.
then i came across tough mudder and i was determined to do it and i knew that whatever I'm doing at home was not enough so i found another bootcamp nearby. its a fun kind of bootcamp that has a lot of monkey bars and pull ups and a lot of parkour ! not your typical push ups and stuff .. I've been training with them since september and after 4 months, i feel a little bit stronger and definitely more flexible  but i was not happy with the progress. i was expecting more.

tough mudder is happening in may so i needed better training so i decided to be suicidal and actually sign up with the fit factory !!!
although my subscription started on monday but i avoided going to class because i am very much intimidated !! you have no idea how scared i am of that pain !! i realised that in order to be stronger, you gotta start somewhere .. its not where you started from but where you will be heading i guess. so i pushed myself to go to class today and they have bootcamps all week except boxing class on wednesdays and i said to myself that probably starting with boxing won't be that bad … and oh boy .. i was SOOOO STRONG !!!

it was one hour class and i think i burnt like 1000 calories !! lol it was THAT INTENSE !! too bad that I've forgotten my polar watch so i don't know how much calories i burnt exactly but i gotta tell you, my heart rate did not go down AT ALL !! the class was bRUTAL !! i never knew that boxing could be that intense !! right now as i am writing this, my arms are all sore ! actually, all my body is sore !!!
although I've notified them that this is my first class and that i got knees and back problems! they kept yelling at me and pushing me .. i think I've planked for like 30min out of that 60min class !!! IT WAS INTENSE !!! like REALLY INTENSE !!! but i am extremely happy that I've done it and now i feel like i got nothing to be afraid of .. lol .. i mean i haven't done THE BOOTCAMP which is what scared me to start with but at least now i know how it feels to be yelled at lol .. not fun !!! one of the girls was actually in tears today lol .. according to the guy at the front desk, he said a lot of ppl quit after the first class and a lot of people do actually feel like crying in the class .. LOL HOW CRAZY IS THAT !!

anyway, I'm extremely happy!!! I've survived my first class and i wanna scream it out lol ..

thats their video :

and what i also love about them that they got an obstacle course that is done once a month and its called the O course

so the whole thing looks fun yet insane !!!  they encourage people from all fitness levels to join in but i assure you, this is like super advance lol but whats encouraging is that, indeed, theres a lot of ppl who are overweight or not fit at all in the class so el zaffa tetwaza3 3alina lol 

anyway, today was my first day, I'm looking forward to attend more classes and see actual results .

ohhh i forgot to mention the craziest part … I'm actually doing 2 boot camps per day 3 times a week lol .. 

Body, don't fail me now .. 

Winter in canada

The real canadian weather has arrived.

2014

today is the first day of one of the best year of my life.

ive started the new year a bit late because ive really sick for the past 2 weeks. i dont know what hit me, but i had a nasty cold and an eye infection.. actually, now that im thinking about it, i really think it was more than just cold, i think it must have been influenza .. it was very terrible .. i had generalized weakness, my nose was blocked and congested and all that congestion has affected my ear and it affected my hearing. i got a nasty viral infection to my eyes which caused them to be red and had alot of discharge which was ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING !! especially early in the morning, it causes my eyes to be sticky and its painful to open them. ohhh i also had this horrible nerve wrecking cough that would keep me up all night !! at one occasion, i thought i was going to cough my lungs out !!!!  and i had no sense of taste and that made me lose my appetite.

you know, being sick when you live alone is not easy. i was too weak to cook my own food so i lived on home delivery, i had to drag myself to the doctor because i was getting less and walking in this cold weather with dizziness felt suicidal. i was absolutely contagious so my friends who were afraid of getting it, didnt want to step into my apartment .. that really hurted me .. i understand that they didnt get their flu shot and i also understand that they need the money thus they couldnt miss work coz of sick days but clearly, i was helpless and needed to be nursed .. atleast, they couldve accompanied me to the doctor ... oh well .. situations like these taught me alot. it taught me how to survive on my own .. yeah it was painful and hard but i made it ..  i am feeling better .. actually, maybe today is the first day where i felt like i got my strength back .. i still have a mild cough and a congested nose but al7mdallah, im waaaay better than before .. this is my 4th time getting sick this winter .. whats wrong with my immunity :S

speaking of winter, there has been a frostbite alert in toronto. it seems like tonight and tomorow, it will be the coldest days in toronto for the past 20yrs and theres alot of warnings regarding hypothermia and frostbites .. thats scary :S .. it says that it will be too cold that any exposed skin will develop a frostbite within 4 minutes !!!!! maybe i should skip the bootcamp today :s

i was suppose to be up by 5 am to workout but i overslept through the alarm.. actually, im not sure if the alarm went off to start with to be honest . ohh i got the new iphone.. omg iphones are SO CHEAP in here !! but i was told that iphone 6 is coming out in a couple of months !! damn it! if only i knew that before i bought my phone . so iphone 5s is nothing impressive to be honest !! the only 2 additions are the fingerprint option and the camera is SLIGHTLY better. now the fingerprint option is crappy !!  sa3at el iphone yet7amer and wouldnt recognize ur own fingerprint which can be annoying !! plus, im a believer that we should use our memory more so we dont lose it thus id rather memorize my passwords rather than fingerprint them!

so 2014 ... ive dreaded 2014 for so many reasons .. initially i dreaded it because its my pgy 2 in the residency and its one of the toughest years and now im dreading alot of things about it .. im dreading going back home .. im dreading turning 29 .. im dreading failing my challenge .. basically, there was so much negativity around 2014 but then i decided and I AM DETERMINED to turn this around and make it one of the best years of my life !! I AM DETERMINED !! i know that i cant control the circumstances but im going to give it my best .. ill prove to myself that i can make myself happy and that if i want something, i should get it myself rather wait for others to give it to me or to tag along.
so my two mottos for the year are :
'' 2014 is going to be one of the best years in my life ''
and '' Be Daring '' . im even thinking of tattoo-ing this on my arms, temporarily . 


My resolutions for 2014 . its a long list so lets hope i'll be able to cross most of it out.

2014 Resolutions

• do tough mudder ( May vs sept )
• run 5 K --> color me rad race
• strength and endurance based workout : military bootcamp, O track , top up my numbers
• cycling : in spring. Let your bicycle take you to places where you've never been.
• Hiking : atleast once a month – join hiking group
• camping ; gateways in the middle of no where
• visit different national parks
• be able to do atleast 15 proper push ups and 10 proper pull ups
• do more yoga to build flexibility
• forget the scale, focus on inches but target your performance numbers. Be stronger and not slimmer
• learn how to ski and snow board
• cook more: gourmet food rather than diet/protein based food on my cheat days
• cut down coffee: max 3 times a week
• take your physiotherapy more seriously to fix back
  
• dance. Learn to dance starting from strip/dirty dancing to salsa
• flying lessons in the summer
• places to visit :
  - Vancouver
  - banff
  - brazil for the world cup --> if i have company
  - hawaii to see volcanos
  - yukon : to climb mountains
  - west coast road trip
  - the east coast
  
• no dust on Qur'an campaign : read Qur'an more. If not a page everyday then a couple a week
• pray on time: just like you are anal about your meals on time, do it with prayers
• wake up for fajer prayer
• talk to god more. He is the only one who'd never judge me and had promised to always help me if i ask him to so invest more in god rather than people.
• Mindfulness based meditation
  
• Read more. A book every month
• learn french
• learn more about religions and cultures
• daily gratitude journal .
• Memory training . Take it seriously and atleast do it 3 times week
• blog more. Make your blog your best friend
• study regularly rather before the exams
  
• call family more regularly. Every weekend and talk to all family members by end of week
• call friends every weekend
• actively meet people. Go to different meet up groups. Atleast one new group every month.
  
• get comfortable being alone. Learn how to tolerate it by going out alone.
• Tolerate your own emotions -> dont shut it down and dont be afraid to feel
  
  
  -Mottos:
  * BE DARING : do everything your mind is hesistant about. Leave no room for regrets
  * BE FLEXIBLE. Ride every wave you get rather than swim against the current

San Francisco

this was the last destination in my american west coast trip. i dont think its fair for me to write anything about San Francisco since ive only spent 2 days there and i was really sick during the last one.

San Francisco is not big at all and there isnt much to see on the tourists attractions map, never the less, alot of people like it and swear by it so ill leave my review till my next visit . yep, im planning a real westcoast road trip where ill be driving from orgeon all the way down to san diego. maybe then, ill give san Francisco another chance.
the first thing that ive noticed in san Francisco is the great number of homeless people !! they are EVERYWHERE .. like literally everywhere and they are in VERY BAD living conditions. people were picking left overs from THE TRASH and EATING IT !! this is insane !!! i never imagined seeing such a thing in the united states of america !!!!!  we do have homeless here in toronto but NO ONE STARVES IN TORONTO and thats a fact !! because there are too many shelters and food banks !! they are everywhere !! they may sleep in the street but they will never starve or will never need to eat from the garbage !!!

it seems like San Fran is similar to LA when it comes to crime. it has a high crime rate and in fact, we saw some one stealing something from the grocery store and running away with it !!  also it seems like there's alot of drugs and stuff around the city.
ive also noticed alot of arabs there and khalijis ! i dont know if its coz its xmas holidays or if , in fact, san fran has a big arab community.

we havent seen much in san fran because we arrived on xmas so everything was closed. however, we did get to try the famous cable car and we saw the golden gate bridge !! a bridge that i find to be very disturbing .. it all started after watching a documentary called the bridge which films people jumping off the golden gate bridge .. after that, golden gate bridge is no longer a bridge for me, it feels a cemetery to me now..

Oh yeah! U can see SEALS from the beach!!! We saw a couple of seals there!! N i saw a dolphin in santa monica and whales in quebec earlier this year!!! The only thing missing is sharks lol

there was more stuff that i wanted to see like little japan, alcatraz prison , muir wood and pier 39. yosemite national park is definitely a place that i wanna hike one day.

i cant say much about san fran i guess .. since im considering doing my fellowship in the states and most likely in san fran. maybe i should go back again and explore it better before i make such a big decision of moving there .

Las Vegas

The Sin city indeed.. it is too sinful to be single there ..

given the fact that i didnt like Newyork or LA, i thought that las vegas wont impress me but i was wrong. i actually LOVED vegas !! I really did and i am sure, i wouldve loved it more if i was not single !!
vegas is too small that you can actually see the hotels from the airport but everything about it is exciting .. the lights, the shows, the dinning options, the hotels and people ! you can totally see people from all over the world !!

Las vegas airport:
very convenient. its about 10min away from the city. you could actually see the hotels from the airport. and if you ever decided that you have not gambled enough, there are alot of slot machines in the airport too lol

Hotels !!
we stayed at la paris hotel. the whole hotel had a french theme even the rooms. you know, hotels are a big part of vegas culture ! i mean, all you do there is hotels/casionos hopping and attending shows .. so definitely, im coming back again and ill be staying at different hotel !! so many cool hotels that i wanted to check out including Aria, Wynn,  Bellagio and venetian .
each hotel has its own things whether themed casionos, dinning places, gardens and stuff and their own shows.. for example, the Venetian had venice theme with the gondolas and stuff, Aria was more like high tech place, i even heard that the rooms there work with audio commands and like i mentioned earlier, la paris was french. Bellagio was famous for its huge musical fountain, New york new york had statue of liberty and empire state building there. there is something special about every hotel :D
there is just too much to see, too much to eat and too much to try in vegas . i had so much fun despite the fact that i never gambled or attended any bars/clubs

the shows
we saw cirque du soliel : le reve at the wynn. it was beautiful and impressive. it was water themed with lots and lots of acrobats. i actually really liked it ! it was better than the one in orlando ( La Nouba )  . what i really wanted to see was Zarkana.. yallah perhaps next time inshallah. 

we have also seen a comedy stand up show at flamingo which was okay !
we spent 4 days there and couldve seen 4 different shows but my friend did a lousy job at organizing it so .. maybe next time ..
ohh we also got to play the CSI game which was interesting ... not as challenging as i hoped but it was fun .. totally a different kind of games. i mean, you asked to assess a crime scene, go to the lab and actually examine the evidences you've collected and there is also a morgue part too !!!


Dinning :
omg ! i cant start talking about dinning in vegas .. there are ZILLIONS of restaurants .. restaurants owned by famous chefs !! if i have spent every hour of these 4 days dinning at different places, i wouldnt be able to finish em all !! there was soooo much to eat and so much to try but whats striking is, ITS EXTREMELY EXPENSIVE !!!
see, the hotels are pretty cheap but the shows and restaurants are REALLY EXPENSIVE !!
I guess thats why people gamble in vegas, they wanna earn their food's money :P

Grand Canyon
its a day trip from vegas which i was really looking forward to but my party thought it would be too cold and canceled it which made me sad ! i was really looking forward to see the grand canyon ! oh well, now i have more reasons to come to Vegas again.  oh yeah, one more thing, despite the fact that las vegas is in the desert, it can get really cold in winter !


Review Time !!
las vegas airport:
like i said, VERY CONVENIENT!! you can actually fly to vegas to watch a show and leave on the same day .. the airport is close, the airfare is cheap, the hotels are cheap so why not !!!
las vegas airport is famous for the fact that you can still gamble to the very last minute lol

Las vegas:
loved it ! very colorful, very lively .. so much to see, to eat , to try and basically to do. its a fun city.. my advise though, dont come here if you are single .. i dont know if its just me or not, but there is naughty-ness in the air and it can be pretty lonely if you got no partner in crime.. but thats just my personal opinion !!!
but watch it. it is a little bit pricey !! food and shows can be really expensive.

people:
ive never met any locals lol !! its a very tourists-based city

prices:
- TAX IS LOW ! i think its 6% only so definitely, shopping can be fun here especially from electronics but other than that, the restaurants and shows are really expensive. 
hotels are cheap too but whats the use of coming to vegas and not watching a show or two or try those famous dinning places?


Musts:
- hard to tell. i guess EVERYTHING !!  visit every hotel , go to every show if you could and eat everywhere lol

So Vegas .. we shall meet again :P





grand canyon