burnt out

 

I feel totally burnt out! I dont know if its the on call effect, me Pmsing, cloudy foggy winter or if its me slowly waking up from my denial.
I just feel like crap, emotionally unstable and i could feel myself choking with my tears, trying so hard not to break down and cry because honestly, i have no idea what im crying for and it wont fix a thing !

Ive been having alot on my mind lately and being in that busy rotation doesnt give \you the time or the mood to sort these things out.

Im sick of talking about it too, i want a solution. I want to put an end to it. I want a friend who i could trust, talk to and who could actually DO something to make me feel better. Its funny how in a city of 5 million people, you fail to make friends .. atleast MATURE friends who are not high on hash or drunk all the time !

I know i shouldnt rely on people to make me feel better or fix me but at the moment, im totally burnt out and out of energy, i cant even force myself to go to work or workout or even go shopping for crying out loud. Winter is here and i havent gone shopping yet !

I could switch my xmas holiday and go home instead of going to disneyland but i dont think this will help, i have a feeling that ut will only make it worse on me .. because ive reached out for help from alot of people there and were helpless and some ended up making it worse on me. I dont blame them, i mean if i knew what this is all about, i couldve fixed it.

I think i should stop now.. the more i think about it, the deeper i sink ...