FINALLY ! the exam is over, PGY1 is almost over, my move is done and everything is starting to settle in. i have to say that ive been on the GO mode since april and it sucked! actually, maybe from march. i remember back in march, i was looking for an apartment plus looking for a dress for my brother's wedding which was stressful then i went home and came back and was looking for a place and preparing for the end of the year exam then things got intensified as the exam and move date were approaching. there was the the apartment hunt, the furniture shopping, the packing, the move, the unpacking plus preparing for that freaking exam.june 12th was the day of salvation to me lol and i cant believe its all done. im still damaged ( gained weight due to poor diet and lack of exercise , poor skin, acne and hair loss due to stress and i feel mentally burnt out ) but im glad its all over.
i spent the 12th shopping and then the 13th cleaning my place and today, i called in sick because i feel totally exhausted. plus i got a train to catch to meet some one special. i feel like im still on that GO mode, blaaah.
it scares me everytime im on that GO mode because i can feel like things are getting out of control and i could see me abusing myself and it hurts a lot not being able to care for your own self.
everytime i look at the mirror and see the acne, the poor skin condition, see that fat on top of the muscles i built, i really feel sad. i gave away my health for school and grades.. whats the use of good grades if i wasnt healthy .. i noticed that.. i tend to throw everything out of the window when it comes to school performance and IT MAKES NO SENSE . i really need to re establish a balance in my life .
speaking of shool and balance, PGY2 which starting to july is going to be tough. i heard its extremely stressful and it requires alot of studying ! ( baleen wain ana al7een alqa my balance :S ) . the reason why its stressful, is because ill be doing regular psychiatry care PLUS THERAPY and ill be assigned patients since DAY ONE. ya3ni no time to prepare! so since we got responsibilities already, the residents will end up having to reach themselves everything. ya3ni, i could get assigned with a schizophrenic patient before we get to cover schizophrenia in a lecture and since im the most responsible care giver, i should make sure that i know what im doing. i do have the basic psychiatry knowledge but whats challenging is my THERAPY patients. i know a little bit because i love reading about it but i think its not fair to patients to sit with a resident, poor their heart out when the resident is completely clueless about what to do with that very personal information if you know what i mean. i heard it has longer workng hours, couple of exams and ill need to prepare for a presentation infront of ALL THE people working in my hospital . find my balance eh ? lol
no but seriously, i can't kill myself like this. there gotta be a way .. i gotta find an end for this.
i know i said that too many times but i gotta commit to it !
